Your love life tells a story. Does yours have the same ending, no matter what else changes? You connect to people with unique backgrounds and personalities. But as every relationship progresses, a sense of déjà vu nags at you. Issues begin to arise in a familiar and uncomfortable pattern. You wonder how each new partner — who starts off completely different from anyone else —transforms into the evil twin version of your previous lover… the goblin?!
Hoping to break the spell, you meet new people — purposefully distinct from previous partners. You promise yourself that this time, things will be better. But the cycle repeats and leaves you frustrated and disillusioned. Unless you understand WHY this is happening, you are doomed to relive the same story. For the rest of your life, you will continue attracting goblins!
The key to finally creating relationships that work and breaking out of old patterns is realizing the truth behind your story. Ready for this? Subconsciously, you’ve been choosing people who are similar– on the ENERGETIC LEVEL.
You have a predominant emotion in your body—we all do! Each emotion has its own energy level or vibration associated with it, measurable in megahertz (MHz). Shame or guilt vibrate at around 20-50 MHz. Joy and love vibrate at 500+ MHz! These vibrations are felt by everyone around us. How do these vibrations appear you ask? We all have underlying beliefs about relationships and ourselves in relationships that vibrate at a certain frequency. Imagine, you feel that you are not deserving a good partner? Your shame brings you down to 20 MHz. You attract relationships, events, and circumstances that match your own vibration. So you would subconsciously keep attracting partnerships which would bring the feeling of shame forward. If your vibration changes (based on your changed beliefs), the people around you will either calibrate with yours or go away.
Ready to better understand your vibration? I developed the Staircase Technique to help you discover what prevents you from building more satisfying relationships. This powerful exercise only takes five minutes!
Hint: The Staircase Technique works best if you write or draw your answers, without reading through the steps ahead of time.
Step One: Imagine a Staircase
Close your eyes and visualize your staircase. What color is it? What is the staircase made of? How many steps does it have? Describe what you see quickly and freely—accept your answers openly.
Step Two: Place Yourself on the Staircase
Which step are you on? Where are you on the staircase? At the top? Near the bottom? Somewhere in the middle?
Step Three: Place Your Romantic Partner (Present or Past) on the Staircase.
Which step is he or she on?
Interpret Your Staircase Results
The Staircase Technique reveals how you see yourself and how you see others in relation to you.
The steps on the staircase correspond to your vibration. The lower your placement on the staircase, the lower your vibration. Being anywhere other than the top step indicates a blockage. Your position or vibration is pivotal in manifesting a life of fulfillment, joy, and peace.
If you placed your partner higher on the staircase:
One of my clients, Casey, is a handsome, independent, and wildly successful person. He attracted partners who initially couldn’t believe a man of such caliber would even look in their direction. However, after the honeymoon stage, these partners turned into dreaded goblins! Casey always seemed to “row the boat” in his relationships, while his partners never returned his effort or showed gratitude for his hard work.
Casey relived this pattern over and over for more than twenty years. The Staircase Technique showed him that he had been placing himself on only the second step of the staircase and his partners above him, between steps four and five.
Lesson Learned: Valuing a partner more than you value yourself leaves you feeling unappreciated and taken for granted in a relationship.
If you placed your partner lower on the staircase:
Another client, Fabiola, had a different pattern. Despite the fact that she wanted a strong man, every man she dated ended up spineless. She deliberately dated big, seemingly successful men, but the men could never make decisions. They didn’t carry their own weight financially (if they had any money at all). Not one proposed to her — which may have been more fortunate for Fabiola than she thought!
Fabiola was just about ready to give up on men when she applied my Staircase Technique. It revealed that she had been placing herself MUCH higher on her staircase than the men she had been dating. This explains her subconscious disrespect and disbelief in her partners.
Digging deeper, Fabiola told me that she had grown up with a strong, divorced mother who worked two jobs to support Fabiola and her little brother. Fabiola grew up to believe that men were not to be relied upon. But how can Fabiola expect to have a strong man next to her when she starts with such low expectations?
Lesson Learned: Choosing a partner who is equal to you is a sign of respect, not only to your partner, but to yourself.
Moving to the Top
The Staircase Technique gave you a quick insight into the nature of your subconscious selection of your partners, but most importantly, your self-concept. Use this new awareness to unblock what’s kept you from fully loving yourself. Create the story of your dreams by climbing higher.
Dr. Marina Kostina is a bestselling Author, Award-Winning Transformational Coach, Influencer, Healer, and Researcher. She guides consciously-minded individuals on a journey to reclaim the fragmented pieces of their souls. Dr. Kostina helps men and women manifest their biggest dreams and create a lifestyle that brings them freedom by breaking through their lethargic status quo and starting to live ravenously through her healing practice, online coaching, therapy sessions and spiritual retreats all over the world
This article was published in the Scene Chicago